Shame...

I have to say, friends, I feel a bit like a father who has just discovered his children have been smoking weed in the garage. "What happened to my darling angels who I know and love so well," thinks the father. "How did they ever become so...bad?"

My beloved Chelsea is a wayward child right now. No way to hide from it. Between the terrible draw against Southend United (wha?), the recent loss to Man U and now, as of this posting, the current LOSING to Southend United in the FA Cup replay game...I feel like my babies are potheads.

What sinister influence has crept into their innocent lives and corrupted them so foully? I'm not sure, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was a plot by evil men like Rooney and Gerrard, selling candy laced with weed to children, only in this case they have sold apathy and laziness to my beloved team.

Here's my solution:

1a) Sell Drogba. Now. Anyone who says they "lost their fire" for the game as a 30 year old is clearly unfit to wear the glorious blue jersey. Give him to a team that likes rejects....maybe Newcastle?

1b)Sell Anelka. Now. See above reasons, plus he is a gay wad who makes a butterfly hand shape when he scores goals. Only people like Josh like that crap.

2) Buy Villa. Now. I don't care how much he would cost. Sell some oil fields and a stolen communist tank or missile and get the ball rolling! If they won't sell him, go steal Ibra from Jose and del Piero from Juve (which would be hilarious to steal from old Chelsea coaches...LOL)

3) Find whatever doctor necessary to get freaking Essien back on the field. The fact we have played the whole season without probably our best player means nothing but misery, and it is finally starting to show.

4) Give Scolari about 3 more games. If this team loses today to a League 1 team, fire him today. If they drop ANY points in the next 3-5 league games, fire him then. Go hire someone who can get these extremely well paid, extremely talented men to actually play footy like they are capable of.

5) Take a dump in the center circle at Anfield. Just because.

I will offically cease all Chelsea related smack until the current crisis resolves itself. A father can't brag about his children when they are pot heads, and I can't brag about Chelsea when they are playing like 10 year olds in a snowstorm. I'm sure the planets will realign themselves soon enough and we will be back to our winning ways...even Job had his rough spells.