Migration

Gents~

my tinkering nature has gotten the best of me. in the interest of flexibility, features, sweetness, ease-of-posting and potential for broader exposure, i've created a new venue for our footy banter: http://americnfootball.colesletten.com.

each of you should have an automated email inviting you to the new blog already, and i'll be sending a further one later with a few more thoughts.

the new blog allowed for a straight import of all the previous stuff, so we're not going to lose anything. jump on over when you get the chance, sign in and let's keep this thing going.

joga bonito.

I hope he breaks his ankle.

http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=659400&sec=europe&cc=5901

80,000 people? Holy freaking crap.

Imagine if the Broncos signed a free agent and Mile High Stadium FILLED UP just to see the guy in his new uniform. Freaking insane.

I really hope he breaks his ankles. I also hope he gives Kaka Herpes.

So..........

......are you saying then that Chelsea is this kind of modern liberal christianity that accepts "alternative lifestyles"? Just saw this pic and was wondering.

A vision from the LORD!

I come to you all with a heavy heart today.

I spent some time in the prayer chapel yesterday before TNL, and the Lord and I spent some good quality time together. When I got up to leave, the Lord struck me with a clear revelation, and its message has left me feeling heavily burdened. You know that feeling when you have bad news to give someone, and you really don't want to? That's where I have been all day.

Anyway, when I was leaving the prayer chapel, I noticed that the church has several depictions of lions in the room (stained glass, statue, etc). That's when the Lord struck me with this vision.

In case you don't know, C.S. Lewis, author of the great Narnia Chronicles (among other well respected works of fiction and non-fiction), chose to create an allegorical story in which Jesus was represented by a massive and awesome lion named Aslan. You may have seen the movies, if you haven't read the books (shame on you). Just about every person I know and respect in the world looks on Lewis's work with a great deal of respect, and most generally agree that his writing was God-breathed in many ways. Many of the posters in this little community have shared in conversations with me in the past in which we have discussed these very things.

So, as I was leaving the chapel, and I saw the lions, I thought to myself "lions are sweet...they remind me of Aslan, and Aslan reminds me of Jesus...I should get more stuff with lions on it." That was my first thought. My second thought was this: "you know, I do have SOME stuff with lions on it...Chelsea's crest is a regal looking lion...cool".

This was the first vision that jumped into my mind:

Notice the similarities. the first picture is Aslan. the second is the representation of Aslan on a Narnian sheild as envisioned by the filmakers. The thrid is obviously Chelsea's crest. Clearly, the Lord was revealing to me that, in fact, Chelsea is a team that is blessed by God, and that anyone who supports Chelsea supports Jesus.

If that was as far as my vision went, I would not feel so heavy hearted. But, alas, the Lord had more to reveal to me.

My thoughts then jumped to other teams and their crests. Of course, I immediately thought of Liverpool. Liverpool's crest features a long beaked bird. That is where the lighting bolt struck me and I realized with horror what the Lord was trying to tell me.

You see, C.S. Lewis used many other animals and creatures in his stories. Most of thsoe animals and creatures were good, but some were bad. One creature in particular appears in his final installment of the Chronicles of Narnia (The Last Battle). That particular creature shows up as the avatar of a being known as Tash. Tash is, essentially, the allegorical representation of the anti-christ. Satan. Tash is very, very bad, but he gets many many people to follow him (even some people who are good, but they are deceived by Tash and follow him instead of Aslan). It is very sad, and lots of bad things happen because of Tash.

Here's a depiction of Tash:

Uh oh...

Here's a picture of Liverpool's bird:

Uhhhhh....did anyone else just get the shivers? I mean, there are red flames of hell all around the bird. Good LORD!

That my friends, is the sad revelation I bring to you today. Anyone who supports Liverpool clearly is being decieved, and in essence, they are supporting the antichrist. The message is clear; supporting Liverpool=supporting Tash=devil worshiper. C.S. Lewis can't be wrong.

Support Chelsea FC. Turn to the light. Turn to the Lion. Turn to Jesus.

Poor Roman

So apparently Roman Abramovich has had a hard year this year. The economy has sucked 40% of his wealth away, and his beloved Chelsea FC remains gayer than ever and denied of any important trophies this year (FA Cup.... meh). Here's where you need to start feeling really bad for him: Apparently he has had to cut a bunch of staff from the MULTIPLE boats that he owns. This one pictured above, a 550 ft. ship he uses for vacationing on occasion and trying to woo young 19 year olds like Pato is about to face some seriously hard times. I mean seriously? Who is going to man the small hospital on board? Or the missle detection system? (You think I am kidding about those things, but I'm not, check the article):

http://www.thespoiler.co.uk/index.php/2009/06/16/roman-abramovich-shows-he-is-better-than-you-with-300m-superyacht

How is Chelsea going to spend any money this year on players? It's going to be so tough, because Roman is hurting so much.

Debunking the "Liverpool fans should quit crying about cash cause all big clubs are the same" argument...

As much as i hate to push the "Pato's on a Boat" link down, i'm in need of some footy banter and have a tasty can of worms i just HAD to open. So financial giants Deloitte have published their yearly "08/09 Premiership Team Salary Rankings" and the results are illuminating:

Chelsea 172.09m
UTD 121.08m
Arsenal 101.30m
LFC 90.43m
Newcastle 74.56m
Portsmouth 54.68m
Man City 54.22m
Spurs 52.92m
Villa 50.44m
Everton 44.48m

Several things of note here:
1. This is WAGES, not transfer fees. Since transfer fees go to the club, this is probably a more accurate measure of "ability to attract top talent."

2. clearly, chelsea absolutely blow everyone else out of the water in terms of spending power. it's not just that they spend more money than liverpool, they spend ALMOST DOUBLE what liverpool does. and what does all that money get them? an fa cup and a cozy third in the prem table, behind the mighty reds. lame. what fun it must be to root for a bunch of loaded underachievers, huh sim?! don't worry, we'll still take you on the liverpool side when you want to jump off the flaming blue ship.

3. newcastle. the epic fail they just pooped out gets more impressive every day.

4. arsenal. don't drink the kool-aid kids... for all that talk about "low wage structure" and thriftiness, they manage to blow 11m MORE than liverpool and still can't even get a sniff of silverware. overpriced, underachieving kids are just as lame as overpriced, underachieving veterans, just with less back hair.

5. couldn't find italy or spain, but i'm curious how a real madrid might slot in here...

CONCLUSION:
Clearly, the playing field is not level. Whether or not that's a bad thing is a different debate for a different day, but the evidence is irrefutable. Compared to the rest of the big four, liverpool is a significant underdog before a ball is even kicked. You may not like to hear liverpool fans bitching about not having the spending power of chelsea or manU (and you're probably right), but it's simply not true that the "the big clubs are all basically the same".

so bring it! and roll on 09/10 already!

++colazo

Pato's on a Boat

this is beyond phenomenal... dirty tackle does it again...

get the f*** up! it's about to go down!

Are those denim shorts I see?

We can all officially stop making fun of Frankie "I have retared style" Lampard.  Why, you ask?  Quite simply, because Brian Gray's man-crush Fernando "I wish I could look more like a girl" Torres has just quite possibly outdone Frankie for heinousness in fashion land.  Observe:

Yes...apparently below-the-knee denim carpenter shorts coupled with a tight T-shirt overlayed with a oh-so-subtle skull and cross bones is all the rage in Spain right now.  The hair helps complete the ensemble, I think.

Notice that his apparent new wife looks a bit miffed/embarrassed to even be walking next to him, let alone holding his hand.  Poor lady....guess she will need to buy biger boobs to try to feel better about her situation.

Maybe if Torres had won any silverware this year he would be able to look at himself in the reflection and realize his poor fashion sense.  Then again, maybe not.

F...

How can a team go from glory, joy and happiness after this:

To sadness, gloom, and despair with this:

All in the course of two days?  I feel schizophrenic!

Nothing good can come of this.  Nothing.  The only hope now is that Roman listens to the wisdom of his skipper and goes out to get Ribery and Villa....  http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=651675&sec=england&cc=5901

Bah.

Allow me to beat the rush...

In anticipation of what I'm sure will be a mad rush of slack-jawed yokels trying to find reasons to make fun of my beloved Blues, allow me to be the first to post this:

Yes....these may be the gayest jerseys ever.  Yes, Malouda's hair is ridiculous.  Yes, Lampard looks like he is practicing his "Blue Steel" face after rubbing a bunch of fake tanner on in patchy splotches.  Yes, Essien is a bad ass.

There is no need for everyone to get all hot and bothered about it.  New jerseys = retarded.  Enough said.  Move along now.

When Chelsea Players Retire...

...they become referees. (sorry about the YouTube tag comment from Didier)

My Response to Sim's Last Post....

That's right. I'm keeping it down at that level.

The headline on Soccernet

This morning's headline on Soccernet:

Benitez faces Gerrard poser

Truer words have never been spoken.  Gerrard is, indeed, a poser.  Look at how Fernando feels about playing with a poser like Gerrard:

Sad, really...

FANTASYSHIP - roster moves

with just three weeks left of the regular season (not to mention leg two of the final where c+c hope to rescue the trophy from the shame of going to our good friend james oliver, who's kicking ass and not even paying attention...), it's crunch time for c+c, johnny, josh, and nate + brandi. to wit, the following moves have been made:

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johnny drops gilardino and adds kanoute (24 Mar). johnny also puts anelka on IR and takes gerrard as his replacement. (24 mar)

cs united puts mutu on IR and picks up henry (3 april). then realizes he's an idiot and goes for a straight add of ronaldo again, and drops henry (5 apr). too bad that won't help this week...
---------------------------

Mourinho Gets a Sexy Dance...in case you missed it

This article is actually from Dirty Tackle, but in case you missed it there, you simply must see it! I've added my own commentary at a couple of points in the article as well.  Amazing!

Mourinho Gets a Sexy Dance

April 2nd, 2009

Jose Mourinho was a guest on the fantastically odd Italian television show Chiambretti Night last night and, like Fabio Capello before him, was subjected to women in various states of undress dancing and rubbing up against him. Jose, who is married with two kids, tried his best to disassociate himself from the awkwardness of the situation, but, uh…that was difficult:

(GOOD LORD!  What in the world is the deal with Italian people!  I have never seen anything so awkward in my life! "Hello....you are married with children....here is a psuedo strip tease followed by a series of pictures of women where we will ask you if they are hot or not...what do you say?"  Freaking Italians.  All I know is that I have even more admiration for The Special One now, because he completely refused to even participate, it seemed to me.  Also, if you watch the whole video, WTF is up with the two fatty guys tossing a ball back and forth in front of him?  It's like some sort of freaky Italian dream!)

In addition to the dancing and the stripping and the touching, Jose also actually talked about football, saying:

“My dream is to win three leagues in Europe. I won in England with Chelsea, I’m going to do everything I can to win in Italy, then I would like to win in Spain, too.”

Is that a hint that there might be some truth to the Real Madrid rumors? Not quite yet:

“After Inter, when it’s over, I won’t be in Italy. But I have a contract for two more years and I want to continue.”

Of course you do.

And it simply wouldn’t be a Jose Mourinho interview without a few words to annoy his rivals. So, speaking about the relationship between the Italian media and the giants of Serie A:

“We have the Inter Channel with its 45 thousand subscribers, Juve has Tuttosport and the Milan three television stations and newspapers. I feel a little like Robin Hood.”

As fundamentally wrong as that statement is…I’m gonna go with it. Jose Mourinho: just like Robin Hood.

(I have to agree here.  The Special One is just like Robin Hood.  He fights for justice and freedom against corruption and evil!  I'm not sure what I like better, the picture of him in the background that looks like he is running for president with Obama, or the picture in my head of him dressed like Robin Hood.  I think I would make Cristiano Ronaldo Prince John in that little fantasy.  LOL)

Amazing!

Another Reason I Love Soccer, the Internet, and Video Cameras

OMG...OMG...DirtyTackle has this one their site, and it is so glorious I absolutely had to get it on ours as well.

First, you need to watch the first video in regular speed (make sure your sound is on....glorious):

So amazing. That is the best slide tackle I ever saw.

Now, Watch it in slow motion:

Gooooo Kennnnyyyy! Gooo.....Ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhaaaaahhhhhhhhh.....

God, I love the internet.

Runs in the Family I Guess....

We are now seeing how some players make it into the realm of the dark heart of Chelsea FC. Sounds like this problem of evil, deception, and thievery at Chelsea is a generational one. Apparently the Chelsea Team Captain's (a role model for his teammates and young children) Mum and Mum-in-law were caught stealing athletic gear and food from some local stores. With a weekly salary of 134,000 pounds a week, can't Mr. Terry provide a little for his family so they don't need to steal to get food and clothes? Or is that a Chelsea club culture thing?

http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=631619&sec=england&cc=5901

*If I haven't done enough Chelsea slamming so far, here is an additional photo to really drive it home.

Proof that you need to visit DirtyTackle.net

Mourinho Gets Doctorate


an article from today:


There’s not a lot Jose Mourinho hasn’t done in his short managerial career. For one he’s won a crap ton of trophies, including the Champions League, Premier League, as well as being well on his way to his first Serie A title. Not to mention he has probably pissed off every single person he has come into contact with at one point or another. He’s a media “darling”, and is more successful at filling his day by picking on random people than anyone I have ever seen before.

Well you can add to that rather impressive list that “The Special One” is now “Dr. Special One”. Yes that’s right, Jose Mourinho has received his Doctorate. Well, sort of:

Inter Milan coach Jose Mourinho was awarded an honorary doctorate Monday from Lisbon’s Technical University, where he graduated in physical education and sport more than 20 years ago.

“I’m not sure I deserve this accolade,” Mourinho said. “I’m surprised by it. I’m probably a source of pride for the faculty, but I’ve pursued my career without thinking about such things.”

So basically if all things hadn’t fallen into place here, Jose would be the most badass gym teacher on the face of the planet. “You no like dodge ball? Why you no like dodge ball? Shut up your face.” If you don’t respect Jose the special doctor gym teacher you know he’s going to set up a press conference with all the local papers saying you can’t handle the pressures of the 3rd grade national fitness test, make snide remarks about your background, then spit in your lunchbox. And nobody will think twice about it. Because he is Jose the special doctor gym teacher. Respect.

Wearing a gray suit but no tie, the 46-year-old Mourinho was wrapped in a dark gown and a ribbon with a medallion was placed around his neck during a formal ceremony.

God, I need to see this picture immediately. If that’s what they do for the gym teachers, imagine what the bio-chemists get.

The university said the tribute was in recognition of his professional success.

However, some faculty members opposed the award, saying Mourinho hadn’t achieved enough to merit such a high distinction.

How are you going to go and oppose a university educated gym teacher turn football managerial genius getting a doctorate? That’s like opposing not killing people. It just doesn’t make sense. Once again, Jose proves that he is on a whole other level and we are all just here to watch his greatness unfold.
---------------------------------------------------
visit this blog. read it. it's regularly great, and at times spectacular.

Who's ready for season start!!

USA!! USA!! USA!!

Check out these WICKED Rapids goals, dudes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgdM3T3qgtk



SOOO excited for the MLS season to kick off. You HAVE to watch some of these delicious Rapids goals. Conor Casey is TOTALLY good enough to play for League Two...at least. I heard Swindon Town might be taking a look at him.

F-ing GAY!

Liverpool draw Chelsea, holders handed Porto

How the HELL does this happen every year?  It has been seriously boring, and though I am confident of the result now that Essien is back, can Chelsea PLEASE play someone else, anyone else, other than the freaking Reds?  Good Lord, UEFA!  

Meanwhile, Man U draws probably the softest team of any of the remaining teams.  WTF!  

I wonder what's happening in the NFL right now.  Maybe something interesting?

Top 15 Goals in Champions League ever

Found this video after I found the last one. Usually these goal compilations are medium at best and there are only one or two goals that really might make the mark as far as 'best goals ever', but I have a feeling this person is a committed football fan, and probably saw all of these goals happen in real time. Plus the music is pretty cool, and Steven Gerrard makes #3. That is cool. No Inter goals..... what does that say about Inter in the CL? *sigh*

Most Ridiculous Announcer Ever

O.K.... so I went on to you tube for some entertainment this afternoon, and one of the personalized videos that you tube brought up (apparently I'm watching enough football videos so this is what is recommended to me) was a Champions League Goal from Raul. The goal itself isn't really that amazing, but what IS amazing is how nuts the spanish commentator goes when he scores the goal. The Video only goes for so long but the guy keeps going for about a minute and a half. Seriously hilarious and amazing. Why don't american sports announcers go this ballistic. I can't image John Madden losing his voice over some sort of touchdown......

FANTASYSHIP - roster updates

18 feb:
c+c drop sergio aguero and add diego forlan
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4 Mar:
j+k drop napoli and add genoa
----------------------
6 Mar:
c+c drop c.ronaldo and add adrian mutu.
----------------------

The last time they played.....

It was a friendly, so obviously they don't take it as seriously. Is it a sign of things to come? Or are the Red Devils going to tear Inter apart like Liverpool (hopefully we can keep 11 on the field this time). What do you guys think?

Maybe Scolari was Right......

So...... I totally got sucked in to watching the 1st half of the Brazil Italy friendly today, and I must say, it has been a while since I have seen such joga bonita displayed on the pitch...... by Brazil that is. The goal posted here may be an insight into why people say Robinho is the best striker out there. He absolutely schools 3 defenders, all of high callibur. Insane. Maybe Phil was right, he wouldn't have gotten dumped if he had roped in Robinho.

Good enough for Brazil, but not good enough for Chelsea

HOLY CRAP. Sim... maybe you saw this coming, but i'm shocked. So what's next? Mourinho reunion and reclaimed glory? or is this the beginning of chelsea's slide back to mid-table...

roman, your move.

Not Good Enough for Inter, but Good Enough for Chelsea

Rob Bell in many of his books gives a description many times of "The Kingdom" where the peace, or 'Shalom' of God is present in certain situations in life, where things are how they should be, how God intended for them to be. Well...... as far as where Chelsea, and Inter are respectively to each other, I feel like the Kingdom is near.

Ricardo Quaresma just didn't seem to be able to cut it with the calibur and prestige that is Inter Milan. So, to let him off to a place where he would be a fit (a lower calibur team) Inter briefly has off-loaded Quaresma to Chelsea. Now..... there was a time when things were different. When, in fact, Chelsea was offloading players to other teams when those said players were not reaching their potential. That is what Rob Bell would describe as Anti-Kingdom, the sadness and darkness of humanity has pulled things away from how they should be and something is terribly, terribly wrong. Fortunately, things were redeemed. Jose, the best coach in football is where he should be, with the best team, and now we are offloading the underacheivers to the Blues.

Thank the Lord. Everything is heading in the right Direction.

http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=615313&sec=transfers&cc=5901

Yoga Bonita

Friends,

Amidst all the recent trash talk and posturing, we have forgotten something of mighty importance. Check this out:

http://www.wimp.com/freekicks

What league do I need to start watching regularly to see more of that? Holy crap, if Chelsea did that in a game I was watching, I would for sure have a stroke or an anuerism or something. Why don't we see things like that in the Premiership?

I think even guys like Jim Rome would have a hard time denying the beautiful game in that sort of context. Damn...

F

Well....... It looks like, for me, the most dreaded scenario for transfers and Inter may be for reals on the horizon. It's sounding like Didier is possibly on the move to Inter. Jose wants him (by this picture in more than one way) and Chelsea doesn't. F. While we are at it why don't we just pick up Robben, throw in Morientes, hell, why don't we call our team Internacional Everton FC. Clearly....... CLEARLY Morratti wants to make the team I have loved for quite a while now the teams and players of past that I have hated.

Having said all of the above...... I will continue to root for Inter, and yes, unfortunately I will have to force myself to learn how to sing the Didier song.....

diiideay........diiideeay *in a weak and uncertain voice*......

http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=612394&sec=transfers&cc=5901

New Madrid chief: Robben is better than Messi

http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=611332&sec=europe&cc=5901

It's true. Know why? He played for Chelsea, which leaves a healthy glow on anyone. If Messi wants his place back as "best in the world", he should come play for the Blues.

LOL

Shame...

I have to say, friends, I feel a bit like a father who has just discovered his children have been smoking weed in the garage. "What happened to my darling angels who I know and love so well," thinks the father. "How did they ever become so...bad?"

My beloved Chelsea is a wayward child right now. No way to hide from it. Between the terrible draw against Southend United (wha?), the recent loss to Man U and now, as of this posting, the current LOSING to Southend United in the FA Cup replay game...I feel like my babies are potheads.

What sinister influence has crept into their innocent lives and corrupted them so foully? I'm not sure, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was a plot by evil men like Rooney and Gerrard, selling candy laced with weed to children, only in this case they have sold apathy and laziness to my beloved team.

Here's my solution:

1a) Sell Drogba. Now. Anyone who says they "lost their fire" for the game as a 30 year old is clearly unfit to wear the glorious blue jersey. Give him to a team that likes rejects....maybe Newcastle?

1b)Sell Anelka. Now. See above reasons, plus he is a gay wad who makes a butterfly hand shape when he scores goals. Only people like Josh like that crap.

2) Buy Villa. Now. I don't care how much he would cost. Sell some oil fields and a stolen communist tank or missile and get the ball rolling! If they won't sell him, go steal Ibra from Jose and del Piero from Juve (which would be hilarious to steal from old Chelsea coaches...LOL)

3) Find whatever doctor necessary to get freaking Essien back on the field. The fact we have played the whole season without probably our best player means nothing but misery, and it is finally starting to show.

4) Give Scolari about 3 more games. If this team loses today to a League 1 team, fire him today. If they drop ANY points in the next 3-5 league games, fire him then. Go hire someone who can get these extremely well paid, extremely talented men to actually play footy like they are capable of.

5) Take a dump in the center circle at Anfield. Just because.

I will offically cease all Chelsea related smack until the current crisis resolves itself. A father can't brag about his children when they are pot heads, and I can't brag about Chelsea when they are playing like 10 year olds in a snowstorm. I'm sure the planets will realign themselves soon enough and we will be back to our winning ways...even Job had his rough spells.

Didier, Didier...

Ha! Take that you punks! (And by 'punks,' I pretty much mean Sim.)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/teams/c/chelsea/7827831.stm

I think my favorite part is that this was 3rd on the list of headlines, second to Kaka and something about Foden and Morgan (whoever the heck they are).

My other favorite part is the caption under the picture that mentions Drogba and Inter in the same sentence. See, Joshy? This is what you get for being a fan of the diving, whining, tighty-whitey flashing Serie A.

"Bummer," she says with only a mild hint of sarcasm.